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Then comes marriage and all the trials and tribulations that comes with a new put-together family.
Expectations are high that it will last, but knowing full well your chances are about 50/50.
Want to better your odds?
I had the opportunity to speak with renowned educator and therapist Chana Levitan, on POPPOFF, and she gave me ten essential questions for getting it right the first time.
Her book is full of hope that you will find your prince or princess charming called, “I Only Want to Get Married Once.”
1) Values, goals, and interests. Do you share the same basic goals and values? And which ones are most important to have aligned? No matter how great the initial chemistry is, if your values are on two different pages, the odds of your marriage working decrease significantly.These are great questions, but I added one more since I have a little experience being married 45 years.
2) Are you relating to the person you are dating or to an image? It’s easy to get caught up on image. Infatuation thrives on image while love thrives on knowledge.
3) Can you admit that the person you are dating has faults? Are you realistic about your own faults? There are three typical reasons for this. You don’t know the faults. You ignore the faults. You admit the faults, but infatuation takes over.
4) Does your relationship have healthy boundaries? A misconception is that two become one, by one person disappearing into the other person. Disappearing is not the same as merging.
5) What do people you are close to have to say about the person you are dating? What is the general feedback? If everyone or almost everyone you trust is telling you something is wrong, take it seriously.
6) Do you respect the person you are dating? Is there mutual respect? Remember you can have chemistry with people you don’t even like. There is a difference between respect and what is called “puppy admiration.”
7) Can you be open and honest with the person you are dating? Can you trust him or her? Keep in mind, physical chemistry and emotional intimacy are not the same thing.
8) How well do you get along with the person you are dating? How is your communication? Some arguing does happen. The key to avoiding destructive, unhealthy arguing is---no matter what, you remember you are a team.
9) Does the person you are dating bring out the best in you?
10) If the person you are dating never changes, would you still want to get married? Contrary to popular belief, women do not have a monopoly on trying to change a spouse. The joy of marriage can only be experienced when the couple is not trying to change or fix each other. The joy is experienced when you can love your spouse as is.
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It means everything! For more info on Chana, go to www.chanalevitan.com. Bells are ringing for me and my gal or guy!
Happy Valentines Day . . . .
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